When it comes to quality of music, I can honestly say I prefer listening to straight up bad music more so than listening to mediocre music. Bad music is funny. It’s fun to hear and think about how someone could have actually thought they were making good music. Mediocre music seems insubstantial and it’s not fun to hear or think about; it doesn’t stick out at all. Bad music sticks out, sometimes so much that I genuinely enjoy it. This concept directly translates to hip-hop for me, especially the lyrics. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good, intelligent hip-hop song. I respect a good amount of rappers for their creativity, linguistics, storytelling abilities, and views on society, but I also love rappers who rule at sucking. Rappers that maybe accidentally, maybe not, make a complete mockery of themselves and the genre. It takes a special kind of person to be motivated and talented at taking nothing seriously/being super dumb. Here, my friends, is a list of 25 best worst lyrics that rap and hip-hop have to offer.
1. “I’m so fly I’m still at the terminal.” –Lil Wayne
Sooo… you’re not quite fly yet?
2. “When I’m pervin, errythang be lookin cute.” –B Legit (from “Hurricane”)
It’s a good thing B Legit is a rapper and not an elementary school teacher.
3. “Rock to the beat, and then turn into a walrus.” –Busta Rhymes (from “Abandon Ship”)
Strange choice… but ok.
4. “I stay high like giraffe pussy.” –Gucci Mane (from “Trap House”)
Ridiculous, but correct.
5. “Even when I’m constipated, I still shit on niggas.” –Young Jeezy (from “Trap or Die”)
Looks like Young Jeezy discovered prune juice.
6. “I don’t want your damn girl, she Craigslist prostitution.” –Riff Raff (from “Brain Freeze”)
Because Riff Raff only likes a classy hoe.
7. “My shawty gallop on the beach in the morning like a Chilean horse.” –Action Bronson (from “1Train” by A$AP Rocky)
I didn’t know that was a thing shawtys did…
8. “Hoes love to Google me.” –Rick Ross (from “Birthday”)
Maybe true, but it’s not because you’re cool and talented, it’s because you’re fat and hilarious.
9. “I don’t fuck with no snitch niggas, so don’t tell me who tellin.” –Trinidad James (from “All Gold Everything”)
Ignorance is bliss I guess…
10. “Bitches suck my dick cuz I look like JK Rowling” –Lil B (from “Wonton Soup”)
Lil B literally could not look any less like JK Rowling.
11. “I’m actually pooping in my hand and throwing it at Superman.” –Kool AD (from “Free Jazzmataz”)
That’s actually pretty awesome.
12. “And I don’t wanna talk to a scientist, y’all mothafuckas lyin’ and getting me pissed.” –Shaggy 2 Dope (from “Miracles”)
Keep in mind this is from the song “Miracles.” This is right on the thin line between hilarious and sad.
13. “I’m in my vibe Mercedes, new milleni, with hella ladies on shrooms and henny.” –Mac Dre
If anyone could use shrooms as a date rape drug, it would be Mac Dre.
14. “Bitch pussy smell like a penguin.” –Danny Brown (from “1Train” by A$AP Rocky)
Pretty sure neither I, nor Danny Brown, has ever smelled a penguin… so who knows if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
15. “I’m tacky as fuck, blue cowboy boots made out of duck dick.” –Dirt Nasty (from “Drugs On My Mind”)
He’s right, that’s pretty damn tacky.
16. “Are you into astrology? Cuz I’m tryna make it to Uranus.” –Kanye West (from “Gettin’ It In” by Jadakiss)
That’s Astronomy Kanye… not that it makes it a better line.
17. “You’s a vagina.” –Chamillionaire (from “Who They Want”)
18. “Lemme give you some swimming lessons on the penis.” –Ludacris (from “Money Maker”)
I think I’ll pass, even though I have no idea what that means.
19. “I keep shit stains in my drawls so I can keep it funky for ya.” –Old Dirty Bastard (from “Shame”)
Seriously ODB, no one asked you to do that.
20. “I’m clean and dope like heroin soap.” –Andy Milonakis (from “Hoes On My Dick” by Lil B)
In theory, that is clean and dope. In practice though, it’s just dirty.
21. “I’m tough as a ukulele.” –Dr. Octogon (from “Earth People”)
And I’m thug like a clarinet…
22. “Mama black, daddy black, uncle black, granny black, catch me in a Cadillac.” –Dorrough (from “Ice Cream Paint Job”)
We get it Dorrough, you’re black.
23. “So much money bitch I valet park my bicycle.” –Soulja Boy (from “Bingo”)
Congratulations Soulja Boy, you’ve found the greenest way to waste money…
24. “I roll with groups of ghetto bastards with biscuits.” –Inspectah Deck (from “Bring Da Ruckus”)
At least his crew is well fed.
25. “I’m in the court with marijuana eyes, sorry judge.” –Jim Jones (from “Day ‘n Night Remix”)
Clearly Jim Jones has never won a case…